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You are viewing the most recent 4 entries.
27th January 2004
9:33am:
I can't do this anymore. He keeps coming here and I'm just too tired to fight him.
At least they've allowed me to shower, even if only for 5 minutes.
The water felt great.
I just wish I didn't feel so dirty...
I try to ask him about what's happening out there but he won't tell me. He's not very smart sometimes and he's too scared of his dad, but he still won't talk.
His friend's been here as well. Now he talks to me.
Sometimes.
He's the one that convinced Vernon to let me have a shower. I still hate them all too much to say 'Thanks'...
Maybe he'll tell me something.
Current Mood: uncomfortable
22nd January 2004
3:59pm:
Damn Dudley! The bastard just won't leave me alone. Now that Aunt Petunia's not here to aggravate him, he comes to me instead.
I want to punch him again so bad. If only I had the strenght. Oh yeah, I gave him a shiner. Only thing though, that meant he gave me one as well. Vernon got quite upset over that one, his not mine.
I'm a bit scared.
Dudley's been here, sometimes alone and sometimes with his stupid friend Piers. They're using drugs and Dudley's come very close to giving me some. I spit in his face every time he does.
I don't want to smoke it, smell it or even have it near any part of my body if I can help it.
Thing is, I don't think I have a choice....
The smell is making me dizzy. I sure hope Vernon finds him soon...
Current Mood: dizzy and sleepy
17th January 2004
8:20pm:
I woke up today...was it even today? It was probably yesterday. I'm not sure.
The place seems familiar but for the life of me, I can't remember it. I'm in a room and I know I should remember it, but I can't.
My head hurts. I think I have some broken bones. It all hurts when I move. I can't see. My glasses are gone. I think it's day light already. Can't tell if morning or afternoon though. I still haven't eaten anything and I wonder if that's how they will kill me finally.
Death by starvation.
I saw Vernon again. He came into my room. That's where I am. Number 4 Privet Drive.
The last place I ever wanted to be in again.
"Open your eyes boy. I know you're awake."
I open them but since I can't look at him properly, I just stare.
"You can look at me with as much hate as you want but that still won't change the fact that I
have you. It's taken me five years to finally get my hands on you, but I've done it. And it's just the beginning."
I'm sure he left after that because I couldn't have imagine what I'd said if he had continued. Not that it would serve any purpose. That's why my stomach and my lips hurt.
I'm worried about Remus. I hate the thought of him in Azkaban...
Current Mood: numb, lonely and cold...
15th January 2004
9:21am:
I...can't see where I am.
The cold seeps into your bones and there comes a point where you can't get any colder. You're numb.
I've reached that point.
Ever since they put me in here, I've been wet, cold, hungry. I think I'm also beginning to get sick. I'm more worried about Remus. My god, Azkaban...
I tremble already, remember what it was like, the brief time I was there once.
Voices. Shouts.
I wonder how long I've been here.
I can't see anything.
Uncle Vernon did this, I don't know how. All I know is that he's killing us all off, as if he thinks he can get rid of all the Wizards and Witches that way.
Are we always bound to repeat history? Is this what we saved the world for, so that they could turn their back on us and kill us?
He comes in here sometimes. He taunts and sneers at me. I ignore him sometimes and that earns me a punch in the face. I guess now that I'm gigger, he thinks he needs to resort to bigger beatings.
I can't fight him. Not because I don't want to, believe me, I do.
But it's very hard to fight for a half life, isn't it? Everything that is even remotely close to me has been destroyed.
Remus, my last bit of family. Arthur, my interim father.
Mum, Da? Look after Arthur for me...
I can't think about him, not now. I know that if I think about him, they'll find him. If they find him and bring him here, I shall die. I know I will.
Because I know exactly what Vernon will make me do. He'll make me watch as he kills my best friend and he might as well just shoot me as well because I shall die anyway.
Ginny, I'm a coward, aren't I?
Neville, I'm sorry I never made much of an effort to spend more time with you. Take care of Ginny for me.
Hermione, my dearest friend. What's to become of our family? The three of us, we've gone our separate ways but now I think it's for the best. Better me than you anyway.
Luna, what can I say except take care of Ron for me?
Draco, I can just hear you now berating me for trusting them, but I see now that you were right. And wipe the sodding grin off your face, you prat!
Ron...fuck, what can I say now? I was a stupid arse to you, wasn't I? You know if I didn't show up, you'll know something's wrong. But you're probably thinking I didn't show because you'd be there. Don't ask me how I know that because I have no fucking clue.
I don't know where I am and I don't even know how long I've been here. Days start to blur now and when I'm not asleep, all I see is darkness. It shouldn't bother me really, being in the dark.
It's what I've always wanted, wasn't it?
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